Dating in the U.S Part Two
I didn’t mean to exaggerate when I stated in my previous piece that I could write about 10 articles concerning the subject of dating. Here follows number two: As you must know, I am certainly no believer in fairy tales, nor am I very romantic. I do like the occasional flowers, but I don’t believe in Prince-Charming-riding-by-on-his-white-horse stories.
Therefore, my situation with the American man I met in Germany didn’t end as a fairy tale, even though it might have seemed so at first. We had a fun time together, and I don’t regret anything I have done, but I have moved on to something better.
But it took me a couple years to do so. My guy and I were on a roller-coaster ride for two years before we decided we were better off without each other. It took me an additional two years before I was finally over it.
I entered back into the dating arena and met a fun guy in one of my classes at Cal State Fullerton. Actually, for half a year I thought he was a total jerk. He was loud during class and kept watching golf videos during lectures. I totally put a bad stamp on him, something I do not intend to do with people because, as in this case as well, I am mostly wrong.
I learned for the better during spring of 2015, when him and I were enrolled in another class together. Since we were coincidentally sitting together, I started talking to him. It turned out that he also lived in Huntington Beach at that time. We instantly had a connection, and I felt bad about the first impression I had about him. Never judge a book by its cover, I get it.
While I was enjoying my time with Chad (name has been changed due to privacy), some of my friends tried to give me advice by suggesting that I would still have to be open to meeting other people, aka dating more than only one person at the same time. This is just another example of dating “rules” here in the states that I don’t understand.
Why would I want to focus on additional people when I am having fun and an amazing time with my one counterpart? If someone can answer me that question, please feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an email 🙂 .
When I was living in Europe, I had never heard of such a thing as dating multiple people at the same time. I don’t believe this is common in Germany; at least I never had people tell me to do so. I prefer focusing on getting to know one person better, and not have to spread my attention span out to more than one guy at the same time. To me, this is way too confusing.
But over here, I guess, it is not such a rare occasion, which kind of freaks me out because I now have to be afraid that the guy I am with might be seeing somebody else at the same time, maybe even ending up choosing the other person. We have to face so much competition out in the workforce already, always needing to be better; I do not want to have to deal with that when it comes to my partner.
I don’t think that dating should be a pressure cooker where we have to be worried about potential competition. Just another reason why I can’t stand shows such as The Bachelor – I don’t think love should be portrayed as a game and based on who receives a rose at the end of the night. But that is just my opinion.
Luckily, Chad and I were on the same page regarding this topic, even though we faced some bumps during the beginning. No relationship is easy and just rainbows and unicorns. Dating out here has taught me to be cautious, but I also know now what I want and how I don’t want to be treated. I have no problem making that clear pretty quickly, because I don’t intend to waste anyone’s time – time I could be spending on watching reality shows such as Millionaire Matchmaker – I guess I do have a thing for fairy tales and happy endings after all (even though I don’t like to admit that).
Anne-Kathrin Schulte, is a contributor for CaliforniaGermans.com. She writes on her personal experience of the American Dream as well as on working as an au pair in CA. She was born and grew up in Düsseldorf, Germany, where she completed her degree as a state-approved Kindergarten teacher. After her au pair engagement in the US and a quick return to Germany she decided to attend university in California and moved back to the United States. She has been living in Southern California since 2011.
If you would like to contact Anne-Kathrin, please send an email to californiagermans(at)gmail.com and place her name in the subject line.