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My Dating Experience In The U.S.

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MY DATING EXPERIENCE IN THE U.S.

Back in High School, I firmly believed that once I turn 24 I would be married with two kids and living a worry-free life.  I was convinced that by the time I graduated school and found a job, I would never have to worry about money or finding a husband who I would be married to “ ‘Til death do us part. ”

Now at 35, I want to shake my 15-year-old self hard.  I am thanking the Lord every day that I have not met my goal of being a wife and mother at the age of 24, because I would have never been able to make the grand move across the Atlantic Ocean to spend a year in California.

While I have decided for myself many years ago [Read more…] about My Dating Experience In The U.S.

Dating in the U.S Part Two

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Dating in the U.S Part Two

I didn’t mean to exaggerate when I stated in my previous piece that I could write about 10 articles concerning the subject of dating.  Here follows number two: As you must know, I am certainly no believer in fairy tales, nor am I very romantic.  I do like the occasional flowers, but I don’t believe in Prince-Charming-riding-by-on-his-white-horse stories.

Therefore, my situation with the American man I met in Germany didn’t end as a fairy tale, even though it might have seemed so at first.  We had a fun time together, and I don’t regret anything I have done, but I have moved on to something better.

But it took me a couple years to do so.  My guy and I were on a roller-coaster ride for two years before we decided we were better off without each other.  It took me an additional two years before I was finally over it.

I entered back into the dating arena and met a fun guy in one of my classes at Cal State Fullerton.  Actually, for half a year I thought he was a total jerk.  He was loud during class and kept watching golf videos during lectures.  I totally put a bad stamp on him, something I do not intend to do with people because, as in this case as well, I am mostly wrong.

I learned for the better during spring of 2015, when him and I were enrolled in another class together.  Since we were coincidentally sitting together, I started talking to him.  It turned out that he also lived in Huntington Beach at that time.  We instantly had a connection, and I felt bad about the first impression I had about him.  Never judge a book by its cover, I get it.

While I was enjoying my time with Chad (name has been changed due to privacy), some of my friends tried to give me advice by suggesting that I would still have to be open to meeting other people, aka dating more than only one person at the same time.  This is just another example of dating “rules” here in the states that I don’t understand.

Why would I want to focus on additional people when I am having fun and an amazing time with my one counterpart?  If someone can answer me that question, please feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an email  🙂 .

When I was living in Europe, I had never heard of such a thing as dating multiple people at the same time.  I don’t believe this is common in Germany; at least I never had people tell me to do so.  I prefer focusing on getting to know one person better, and not have to spread my attention span out to more than one guy at the same time.  To me, this is way too confusing.

But over here, I guess, it is not such a rare occasion, which kind of freaks me out because I now have to be afraid that the guy I am with might be seeing somebody else at the same time, maybe even ending up choosing the other person.  We have to face so much competition out in the workforce already, always needing to be better; I do not want to have to deal with that when it comes to my partner.

I don’t think that dating should be a pressure cooker where we have to be worried about potential competition.  Just another reason why I can’t stand shows such as The Bachelor – I don’t think love should be portrayed as a game and based on who receives a rose at the end of the night.  But that is just my opinion.

Luckily, Chad and I were on the same page regarding this topic, even though we faced some bumps during the beginning.  No relationship is easy and just rainbows and unicorns.  Dating out here has taught me to be cautious, but I also know now what I want and how I don’t want to be treated.  I have no problem making that clear pretty quickly, because I don’t intend to waste anyone’s time – time I could be spending on watching reality shows such as Millionaire Matchmaker – I guess I do have a thing for fairy tales and happy endings after all (even though I don’t like to admit that).

Image: pixabay.com
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Anne-KathrinAnne-Kathrin Schulte, is a contributor for CaliforniaGermans.com. She writes on her personal experience of the American Dream as well as on working as an au pair in CA. She was born and grew up in Düsseldorf, Germany, where she completed her degree as a state-approved Kindergarten teacher. After her au pair engagement in the US and a quick return to Germany she decided to attend university in California and moved back to the United States. She has been living in Southern California since 2011.

If you would like to contact Anne-Kathrin, please send an email to californiagermans(at)gmail.com and place her name in the subject line.

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Dating is no Fairy Tale.. The Exception to the Rule

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Dating is no Fairy Tale.. The Exception to the Rule

Dating…Oh, dating in the US… I could probably write 10 articles about this topic and still would have something to say. Where should I start, where should I stop?! Dating in the states is definitely a whole other level than in Germany. I had my fair share of experiences, some of them I’d rather forget and some of them I’ll never let go.

I made my first experiences with American men while I was working in Northern California as an Au Pair. Since I knew that I had to go back to Europe after a year anyways, I wasn’t taking the dating game out here too seriously. But what I expected was at least some respect and decency. Oh boy, do I remember being out in the bars and clubs and guys just starting to grind on us girls without even saying “Hi” first. Back up dude, we don’t do that in Europe.

Where I am from, people come up to you and AT LEAST introduce themselves first. Sometimes with a really plump line, but at least they say something instead of just expecting you to rub your body parts against them. So, needless to say, that was one of the first things that set me off about the dating game over here.

But my doubt in dating American men changed actually after I moved back to Germany in 2009. The fateful incident occurred in March 2010 during a night out in Dusseldorf’s old town with one of my closest girlfriends. All we had planned was getting a couple drinks at an Irish Pub and catching up since we hadn’t seen each other in a while.

During our deep conversation, my friend suddenly glimpsed over to the bar and pointed out a pretty cute guy. I looked over to see if he was as nicely looking as my friend had said, and what can I say, she was damn straight right. I know how cheesy this next sentence is going to sound, but it is the ugly truth. As soon as our eyes met, there was something in the air. My heart skipped a beat when he made his way over to our table and started talking to us.

That was the first plus point he earned. He scored the second one when he turned out to be an American who was in Dusseldorf for a business trip. In the back of my mind I never expected anything more to happen due to the fact that he lived in the states and was about to head back home from his work gig in two days, so all we did that night was flirting with each other with no intention of anything more, at least from my side. I had no idea that this encounter was about to turn my whole life around.

As the end of the night approached and my girlfriend and I where about to make our way home, the guy reached into his pocket and handed me his business card. He also said that he had an European number for the next couple days and that he would love to hang out one more time before heading back to America. I have to admit, I was a little smitten and hoped I could get to see him one more time before leaving town.

Because I am one of those individuals who never want to give anything away too soon, I waited one day till I reached out to him again. Or, as I should say, tried. As soon as I dialed his number, I received an automated system telling me that the number was not available anymore. So I contacted him a day later through Facebook and email, wishing him a safe trip back home. I never expected to actually hear back, but from that email on, we stayed in constant contact.

Since I had booked a trip to go back to SF to visit my former host family anyways, I decided to also visit him. By that time, he was about to transition from Washington D.C. to Huntington Beach. I had never been to beautiful HB before, so it was just another bonus for me to take on a road trip down the coast to pay SoCal an extended visit. And what can I say, that vacation changed so much for me. I fell in love, both with a man and with the city I am so happy I can call my home now. Sounds cheesy again, right?

Image: pixabay.com

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Anne-KathrinAnne-Kathrin Schulte, is a contributor for CaliforniaGermans.com. She writes on her personal experience of the American Dream as well as on working as an au pair in CA. She was born and grew up in Düsseldorf, Germany, where she completed her degree as a state-approved Kindergarten teacher. After her au pair engagement in the US and a quick return to Germany she decided to attend university in California and moved back to the United States. She has been living in Southern California since 2011.

If you would like to contact Anne-Kathrin, please send an email to californiagermans(at)gmail.com and place her name in the subject line.

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